We Can't Find Reverse

[digitalraven]

It was nine months at the start of June; I didn’t think to note it at the time. Things were—and indeed are—on a pretty even keel. I finessed my way out of the burnout, and while I wasn’t as up as I wanted to be, I was, and I still am, on an even keel.

Tonight, the longest night, was the first night I was hit by it in a long time. Stupid shit, looking in one of the kitchen cupboards and thinking “this is Jane’s”, like I have a hundred times since we split, but this time I noticed myself thinking it, and felt shitty because of it. Not for any reason beyond that I do still think it. Because while I’m still thinking that, have I really moved on?

I have no idea. Is it even possible to “move on”? What does “moving on” actually mean? All I can do is move forwards.

Comments

thinky thoughts

[beachglass]

you're absolutely right, onwards & upwards.
it's more about continuing with your life, and trying to keep going-not so much moving on from something.
you can heal but the feelings will remain.

Re: thinky thoughts

[joexnz]

You move on in the sense it gets further away, most of the time
Im pretty sure I won't throw up if I see Alan and his mid life crisis, but I'll spend a few hours feeling raw.
Sometimes it comes back for a visit, it rarely stays for the weekend anymore, and only for the occasional night

Remember to look back to three months ago, things have changed since then?

I still think about the stuff that was ours, it's just a fact life and I'm relatively neutral about it now