Moving Ever Forwards

End of 2019. So what the fuck happened?

This time last year I was in a bit of a funk. Much of my life was good — I was with the woman I loved, drumming and writing, and doing so many fun things — but work was fucking me off. I’d applied for four new jobs, got three interviews, and been told I was “a close second” for all three of them. Having been in the same place for nine years was grating just a bit, especially as it felt like I hadn’t done anything to make a positive impact for at least the last three. I was chomping beta blockers to stave off atrial fibrillation, I’d started doing actual exercise, and I’d got a taste for playing in drum crews. But I couldn’t quite get past my work-related frustrations.

This year, I joined a new crew of fire- and drum-types and in doing so found the instrument I love. I had small pieces of my heart removed with liquid nitrogen, and the atrial fibrillation hasn’t come back (yet). And I got a new job in December, which is nice if rather more stressful. I didn’t write much this year, though, and that’s something I want to change up. Setting up a Patreon was supposed to help with that but I haven’t got anything started yet.

But it’s not just the end of the year. It’s the end of a decade. So what happened in the past ten years? It helps that I had last decade’s recap post to work from (though it, like much of my past entries, are now friends-locked).

As 2010 started, I had a nice flat on the Royal Mile, a job that I was thoroughly disillusioned with, and I was engaged. 2010 was a year of upheavals: I started the year by fucking my back bad enough to require four weeks off work, then we bought a flat, got married, both got new jobs, and found ourselves owned by a cat. I also wrote and published a lot. That much happening in the span of six months was a good way to start a decade, and it continued pretty well, though I could have done without some of the spectacularly bad decisions I made in 2011/2012. Those, however, lead to me finally getting diagnosed with a form of bipolar disorder, one of those things that suddenly explains the preceding sixteen years.

In retrospect, by early 2015 things were getting into a rut and I should’ve done been proactive about doing more, but at the time everything felt fine.

Then 2016 happened.

If 2010 was one of my best years, I can easily count 2016 as one of my worst (maybe tied with 2004). It was twenty tons of TNT, blowing up everything I thought was my life. Gotta admit, it took me long enough to crawl out of that wreckage. But crawl I did. Along the way, I met a lot of wonderful people, especially Danielle, picked up skills I never thought I would, and have been welcomed back into to a community that I was first part of back in 2005. I’m doing things — drumming, fire spinning, and performing in front of people — that I never thought I would. I’ve played at gigs and festivals and castles, and I’ve been surrounded by amazing and supportive people every step of the way.

10 years ago I’d have laughed at you for suggesting that I’d be where I am now, but that’s the way of the future. It changes in ways you can’t expect. I feel like I’m where I need to be, and I’m happy. Here’s to the next ten.