My Up-Goer Five Job Description
23 January 2013 10:21 amI help people with their computers. Also, people give me money to lie to them.
Except that’s not a job description, that’s a job title. Everyone wanking off about how short they can get their job description and how that means they’ve got a “real” job1 is a fucking idiot. It’s supposed to be an exercise in clarity, not smugness.
I help people with their computers. I find out how much money we have for new computers and decide which ones are good enough to buy. Sometimes I talk to the people we buy computers from to see if I can get a better one for the money. I try to fix computers when they break, but if it’s a problem with the box and not the things that run on the box, I give it to someone else here who can fix the box. If someone wants their computer to do more than it does when they get it, they ask me and I put together what they need to do their job better. I also fix big computers that lots of people use. They have their own room because they are very hot and loud. Since all of the computers talk to one another, I can fix all of these computers from my office.
Then I go home and do my other job. People tell me what they want me to write about, I write it, and they give me money for doing so. What I write about is not real, but a kind of game. For one game, I tell people what I want them to write about, they write it, and I tell them how to make it better. When they have done that, I check that what they have written works as a full book and that the small facts are right, write about what pictures could go in the book, and work with another person to make sure that all of the writing is good writing. Finally, I give all of the book to another person who puts the words and pictures together into a real book.
(Created using the Up-goer Five Text Editor, using only an arbitrary selection of the ten hundred most used words in the English language, which is good enough to prove a point.)
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Fun fact: a real job is any work you do in exchange for money. For all some people like to feel elitist by believing that what they do is crucial to the world but what other people do isn’t, these people are entirely wrong. Anything else buys into a whole mess of nasty Tory propaganda. But then, why am I surprised that smug cunts buy in to Tory propaganda?↩